Another shit show morning of Virtual Learning making me cry over my cold cup of coffee. Again.
It’s my own fault, I genuinely thought that after 12+ weeks, or whatever week we are on, of virtual learning we found our groove. My kids have become more independent with their schoolwork, and we’ve even moved their “classrooms” to their bedrooms to help my own sanity of having to keep the rest of us quiet during school hours.
My naïve ass got on the treadmill this morning for the first time in weeks, thinking my kids don’t need me hovering and that we have finally reached the time that they can do most of this on their own. I turned my speakers up at full blast and was enjoying my morning jam session…ALONE!
So here I am finding my part walk, part dance stride on the treadmill singing as if I’m on stage with Whitney, feeling free, which, I. HAVEN’T.FELT.IN. MONTHS…. And while I am having this euphoric moment, my son was upstairs ruining his sister’s zoom session. #momfail.
The email I received was basically explaining that Ace felt he was being Mr. Funny Pants in his sister’s room, unmuting her session and trying to be a stand-up comedian. Which, unfortunately for him, the teacher did not find funny. Nor did his mother….
As a former educator, the mere thought of my child being the disruptive class clown is just…well….it just cannot happen. So here I am, furious at the situation on one hand, and on the other, what else are these kids supposed to do? He was on, what should be his recess after all….
I describe Ace like a really smart puppy. He is filled with energy, and loves attention, and through the shit-show of 2020, is still performing great in his classes.
But the attention he seems to get from me lately, is negative. He’s acting out because there’s simply nothing else to do. He picks on his brother and sister constantly or is doing handstands into the Christmas Tree, or shooting a nerf gun into the back of my head. The kid is bored. He is lonely. The kid is pissed off at the world, and rightfully so….
And like a puppy that needs to run, he is forced to sit in front of a computer screen all day, with this built up energy and nowhere to burn it. Recess gone. Sports gone. Clubs gone. Mental health? Gone.
Simple fix? Open schools. Open Sports. Open Clubs. Open the damn Economy.
I’m living in this vicious cycle that I can’t seem to break, and I know I’m not the only one. There are days all I do is yell, and others I’m just so checked out because I hate this new normal, and the ‘at home’ depression sets in strong. I cry all the time in fear that we are failing, or more-so, that I am failing. And more days than not, something seems to fail, or at least go wrong. If I’m doing great, I have a child melting down that they can’t go to school, or that they have a headache from staring at a computer screen. Or technology fails us, so we lose school time, or we are so tired of each other than we fight over how someone chooses to open a fruit snack (true story). All the while I want to throw my apple watch against a wall for reminding me to breath. You know when I’ll breath Mr. Apple Watch, when Mr. President demands all schools to open. Then we all can breathe, but until that happens, life is simply not ok. At least not in this house.
I am over it all. I am over this country falling to shit over who is going to be President, all the while ignoring the fact that schools are closed and kids are falling apart. Daycares open. Schools closed. Logical.
I am over watching both sides of the political parties holding massive parades, or celebrations, or hell, even some hosting massive dinner parties while we cannot hold a Thanksgiving dinner.
I am tired of hearing how effective masks are, but we close down schools that enforce everyone to….well…WEAR MASKS.
I am over school boards not representing their district families.
I am over hearing about a vaccine…a vaccine I will NOT be putting into my children’s bodies as the unknown side effects are most likely much more deadly than this virus.
I am tired of my Doctor telling me to its safe for my immune-compromised daughter to go to school, but a Politician telling me it’s not.
I cannot fix a virus, but I can fix stupid, and locking down the country is not the answer. This virus is not endangering our youth, or even most of our teachers and coaches, yet we shut down and punish an entire country because of a virus that is most harmful to the elderly.
How the hell does that make any sense? Like most government decisions, it does not.
You are messing with Mothers and their children and eventually it is not going to be pretty. For months we’ve watched our children’s education slide, but I REFUSE to watch my son’s mental health suffer much longer. I will march wherever I need to march. I will speak wherever I need to speak, but I am done.
I will happily be the voice of the majority and tell our politicians to kiss my, quarantine 15, chubby ass, while they fly on their private jets to a vacation as they tell us to cancel our holidays, or walk around a closed hair salon mask-less while I cannot eat dinner at a local restaurant.
I. am. Done…..
Now, who’s with me?